2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton 

1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope 

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond 

Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram 

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong 

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year 

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling 

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon 

1000 aches: 1 kilohurtz 

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower 

Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line. (think about it for a moment) 

453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake 

1 million microphones: 1 megaphone 

1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles 

2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds (work on it....) 

10 cards: 1 decacards 

1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton 

1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks: 1 literhosen 

1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche 

1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin 

10 rations: 1 decoration 

100 rations: 1 C-ration 

2 monograms: 1 diagram 

8 nickels: 2 paradigms 

3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League 

100 Senators: Not 1 decision